This being the 'Music Business' in December, nobody will take you seriously unless you post up a chart or two. Please accept our offering, as literally minutes of research went into compiling it.
When you’ve just got to get that crisp residue from the floor and you can’t find the dustpan and brush, Henry rolls into action. Also handy to have around the place when you have an explosion of those little polystyrene chip things.
14) Technics Turntable
Although other brands are available, you must have a Technics. Or two. Useful for the playing of Test Pressings, and having a mix after work. The odd guest DJ gets to have a dig as well.
We love a bit of racking here at Unearthed…. Or for that matter a shit load of it. Minimum height between shelves 13”. None of that wobbly stuff please, just rock solid, bolted together metal gear for us.
12) Record Mailer
We go weak at the knees for a cardboard mailer. The process of picking one that suited took months, and now you can witness races between keen young packers eager to make their mark on the ‘who is quickest at wrapping a 12” Challenge’
11) Tape Dispenser (with cunt written on it)
Tape dispensers garner some serious loyalty in the packing area. When the shit hits the fan you better believe that Old Faithful (The Cunt to his admirers) will step up and get you home on time. Use with caution as he can bite back and give you a jagged bite with optional blood poisoning.
10) 12” Record Box
Vying for the position of our favourite cardboard assistant, the 12” record box comes a close second. It can be assembled in seconds and you can fit 25 records in it. Don’t forget to use bubble wrap inside if using outside the safe confines of our warehouse.
9) Massive roll of Bubble Wrap
Used for everything, this Jack Of All Trades will even keep you warm and cosy after a late night radio session upstairs. Also handy for those moments when you need to throw an object at something, but aren’t quite mad enough to want it to actually break.
8) T Shirt Bag
An unsung hero of the warehouse universe, this practical little chap gets used to send all the other bits n bobs that aren’t posh enough to have their own custom package. Also used for Tee Shirts (clue is in the name)
7) Wilson The Bat
For those times when order has to be restored, Wilson comes out. (Note: This is one of two Wilson's in the establishment - Strangely, the other one is long and thin and doesn’t have any hair either)
6) Stanley Knife
A little like butterflies, the average life span of a Stanley Knife in the warehouse is extremely short. The one pictured is actually three years old, making him 103 in human terms. Surprisingly he doesn’t have a name (yet) suggestions on a postcard to the normal address.
5) Tassimo Coffee Maker
Yes yes, we know they are a little immoral, and yes, you can make it cheaper other ways… BUT on Monday morning, bang three of them down the hatch and it’s all systems go. A little bit of tweak goes a long way.
4) Packing Bench
This beauty started out its career at Unearthed Sounds by being the actual listening station in the Unearthed Sounds shop! She has stalwartly continued her service in the warehouse and we expect to bury the boss in it when the time comes.
3) Record Trolley
For the more elderly and infirm staff members this little thing is a life saver. Having to put away a huge influx of stock? No problem, simply load up Hot Wheels here and off you go like a demented bag lady.
The snack of choice amongst the Unearthed Cognoscenti (A group of lads who pretend to be all fit and healthy in the week, but seem to often have MIA weekends in the style of Hunter S Thompson) Simply place the banana in front of you and pretend you are off to the gym after work.
All joking aside, It has got to be said, ours are the best. (they are a little bit funny looking, but you can’t have everything) Go on, let out a little festive tear at our thinly veiled attempt to win favour from the lads...
We did think about compiling a very serious and chinstrokeresque chart of our favourite releases this year (and you never know, after ye olde festive kraken gets finished we still might) But for now you will have to make do with this cobbled together attempt at humour.
Thank You, & Goodnight.